Jun 10 2012
Today wasn’t a very good day to start off the month. I just wanted to cry all day.
Today was a really nice day and I am really happy even though I have work all four days this week. But I realized I need to stop being cranky and being negative all the time and start smiling more and being happy and thinking more positively because my life is actually really wonderful and full of wonderful people and I am so loved and I actually have good grades so I should just relax.
I don’t want to do anything.
I just want to sleep forever.
I was very sick today but I’m happy that someone took care of me.
I feel so loved.
Finished Sputnik Sweetheart today.
It was a very odd book, but I liked it a lot. I haven’t come across a Murakami book that I didn’t like.
I am going to drop AP Bio
and it’s bugging me so much because I feel so dumb I feel like everyone in that class knows everything and I’m just like WHAT HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT why don’t I know anything and I feel like I’m going to die because I get so much work from all my classes and I feel so annoyed and frustrated at myself because I am complaining all the time about it but I really am having a hard time but I don’t know I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining about it BUT IT’S NOT LIKE I’M LAZY OR ANYTHING and I barely ever procrastinate and I actually really do truly do my own work and I actually really do read the books and take tons of valuable notes because that’s just how I learn and that’s just the kind of student I am but I feel like I’m so pressured to take lots of hard classes because of the county I am in because everyone is so smart and I am not but then I feel like I’m a disappointment and a failure and I don’t want to be a failure but I feel that if I don’t get straight A’s and take rigorous classes then I’m not going to get into a good college and I’m going to fail life but if I’m always so like stressed out with school I feel that I am going to be so depressed everyday and just completely fear school and hate myself even more because omg I can’t stand failure and I am a failure so I cannot stand myself but I feel that everyone in my school is just so secretly pushy and I feel so pressured to take classes that I don’t want to take but colleges might like and I feel so dumb in my school but it’s not like I’m a slacker but then there’s people who tell me stuff like “oh the other APs you are taking are just easy APs” WELL SHUT UP because yes I know they are BUT SHUT UP STOP MAKING ME FEEL SO STUPID AND LEAVE ME ALONE OKAY I get so much work okay and I’m going to start working soon and then I have SATs to study for and then I might even have to do tutoring and then there’s SSL hours AND ALSO I HAVE A LIFE SO SHUT UP SHUT up omg I just feel like people are going to start judging me like “oh she can’t handle AP bio, it’s not even that bad, guess she’s not smart enough” or “oh she’s a failure but she’s asian so shouldn’t she be smart” SHUT UP SHUT UP I hate society gosh like students have to fit into this perfect little mold and be a perfect student with straight A’s and tons of extracurricular activities and AP classes and like I’M SORRY IF I TOOK REGULAR PRECALCULUS LAST YEAR AND IF I’M NOT TAKING A MATH THIS YEAR OR IF I DIDN’T AUDITION FOR SYMPHONIC ORCHESTRA like when I tell people “oh I’m not taking a math class this year” they look at me and I know they are judging me I KNOW IT they give me that look and I know that they think I’m going to fail life and so I have to say really fast “oh but I’m taking AP stat next year”.. THAT’S HOW ANNOYING PEOPLE IN MY SCHOOL ARE like they judge the insides of your brain and say what’s wrong with you, ap bio is like 1+1 and if you take art or something you really love but it’s an “easy” class, they’ll look at you and think in their heads “but how will you survive in the future” ugh it hurts so much to be in the 5th top school districts in the country but I mean I am thankful for my education and to having good teachers and lots of classes but just like can people calm down!!!! everyone just makes me feel so dumb and I don’t ever want anyone to hear “just work harder” BECAUSE I AM WORKING MY BUTT OFF OMG you don’t even know how hard working I am last year I thought I was going to die of stress I am not kidding I was so depressed I would just stare at the wall and I was so scared to go to school that’s how depressed I was and I always feel like I’m going to fail everything.
Anyways, I’m thinking of taking Anatomy & Physiology and another class instead of AP Bio.
I am dying of stress and it’s only the second day of the school year
I AM DyINg
- omg what it’s 6:23 crap crap crap get up get up!!!!
- aw man I’m starving I didn’t eat breakfast
- no lunch for me either
- why don’t I have money
- oh well I’ll eat when I get home
- SO MANY FRESHMEN
- NOOO we’re almost there oh please no I don’t want to go!!!!
- I’M SO SCARED
- I DON’T LIKE SCHOOL
- might as well meet up with Sunny so she won’t get lost
- ok bye Sunny good luck to you don’t get lost
- is this the right homeroom…?
- omg why is my homeroom teacher playing house music
- no why deadmau5 why
- we’re not in a club sorry
- why did you pick me to pass out papers
- omg people sit on a desk with the blue packet so I don’t have to get up and pick it up from another desk and give it to you
- boring school video announcements lalalala…..
- what we can only eat on the main floor in the school?
- when are we getting our schedule
- YES our schedule woopdedoo
- OMG WHY WHY I’M GOING TO DIE WHY ARE ALL MY AP CLASSES RIGHT AFTER EACH OTHER WHY
- ok.. time to go to first period…. hope ms. chau is nice
- YAY I know people in this class!!
- NO WHY ARE YOU IN MY CLASS WHY WHY WHY OMG WHY GO AWAY
- hannah stop following me..
- I’M SO SCARED OF MY TEACHER WHY IS SHE SO SCARY BUT SHE’S SO TINY!! SHE’S SMALLER THAN ME BUT I FEEL LIKE SHE WANTS ME TO DIE
- I’m so scared
- still scared omg she wants everyone to drop out
- what?!!? we have to go outside!! WHY
- we’re bringing home 20 lbs of books tomorrow?!!? WHY
- IT’S SO HOT OUTSIDE AND WE’RE PLAYING A STUPID GAME
- OMG THE SUN IS BURNING MY LEGS
- why is she making is run THIS IS FIRST PERIOD I JUST WOKE UP
- at least I got my morning exercise
- ok time for 2nd period… OH WAIT AP BIO IS TWO PERIODS OMG
- my AP lang teacher is so boring
- fullenkamp lol why not just mr. f
- HOMEWORK!? WHY?! PRESENTATION ON THURSDAY!??! WHY!!
- so boring I just want to sleep
- no friends in this class wah
- oh wait there’s Wahid
- this class seems really boring and I just want to sleep
- yay AP psych 4th period I’m so excited
- WOOHOO my brother is in my class!!! WOOPDEDDOOOOOOO
- yay my teacher is nice
- ap psych seems really interesting
- yay she will let us eat food
- yay she’ll teach us how to hypnotize people
- what she’ll hypnotize us too??
- YAY my brother is willing to buy me lunch
- I missed the chinese place hooray I can eat!! (sushi and dumplings)
- I’m so tired already this day is so long
- 6th period AP world.. nobody else in this class but gina… aw man
- YAY daniel is here woohoo
- mr. williams is really nice
- hooray another heavy book…
- phew a break from APs…. time for zhong wen 3!!
- aw I missed everybody even though they are all kind of annoying and loud
- yay nari yay brian yay everyone else I missed you all yay shu lao shi
- aw shoot I don’t remember any characters
- YAY last period orchestra!!!
- OMG SO MANY FRESHMEN WHY WHY WHY THERE’S ONLY TWO JUNIORS I THINK OMG
- overflowing amount of freshmen adsofjnalkfjasnfklsfk
- there better not be any violas I want first chair I WANT IT I NEED IT
- wow this is my 7th year of playing viola
- I just want to go home
- I’m kind of sleepy